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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27039670">Equilibrium</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul'>meanderingsoul</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: The Next Generation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cold, Episode Tag, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Son Relationship, Season/Series 01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:35:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27039670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingsoul/pseuds/meanderingsoul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The ship-wide scan had already told her there weren't any fatalities. So Beverly didn't have to hesitate before she opened her door.</p>
<p>She still took a moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beverly Crusher &amp; Wesley Crusher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Equilibrium</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is an episode tag for 1x5 and also my first finished try at writing for TNG. I had no plans to binge the show this fall even though a friend has been, but season 4 was on one night and I watched 5 episodes or so and that was the end of <i>that</i> plan. It was honestly exactly what I needed. I hope you enjoy reading - M</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>The bright lights and sudden shift of warm air coming through the circulation system got most people to stir.</p>
<p>Beverly reached out for Jean-Luc's pulse on instinct or habit, felt the steady flutter of it under her cold fingers while she blinked herself alert enough to stand. Deanna was next, still sluggish. Betazoids in general had a lower tolerance for extreme cold than humans, but after the second time she insisted she was fine Beverly squeezed her hands and moved on.</p>
<p>Dr. Crusher quickly checked over everyone on the bridge, then took over a screen at the environmental station and ran a ship-wide medical scan, letting out a shaky breath at the results. The ship was currently running the default response to a major thermodynamic event and for the stale air. She only tweaked it a little, more aggressive on getting the air quality back up and a gentler rise in getting the internal temperature back to normal. A sauna sounded good right now of course, but this was better in the long run.</p>
<p>Dr. Selar and her chief nurse had been on different decks, but it only took minutes to comm them both with updates on the situation while riding the now-working turbolift down to her floor. They could start getting a handle on what they’d be dealing with before she went back to Sickbay.</p>
<p>The computer had showed her it hadn't actually been that long since they'd finally lost consciousness. Her fingers itched and her toes were still numb inside her boots. No matter what, they'd be treating a lot of chilblains and minor frostbite over the next two shifts. She’d be putting in extra time for sure.</p>
<p>The ship-wide scan had already told her there weren't any fatalities. So Beverly didn't have to hesitate before she opened her door.</p>
<p>She still took a moment.</p>
<p>Wesley hadn't wanted to crowd in with the other children whose parents were on duty. With the emergency situation, he wasn't allowed in Engineering or anywhere else where officers would sometimes let him make himself useful. She didn't want him in sickbay, just in case things...</p>
<p>He'd been able to tell she was scared. And she had been. As far as ship-wide dangers, there wasn’t much she could do to treat the fact that space was desperately cold.</p>
<p>“My tablet still has some charge. I'll just stay here, in my room.”</p>
<p>There’d been no good reason to argue. “Stay awake as long as you can, alright?”</p>
<p>“Sure Mom,” he’d said and settled into his bed like it was a normal day, like they were just saying goodnight.</p>
<p>Beverly had stood in the doorway a while though, wondering whether to give him something so he’d just sleep until it was all over, wondering if she should leave him something to give himself. He knew how to use a hypospray without damaging the skin, not that it really mattered in this situation.</p>
<p>In the end she’d just left. Jean-Luc had said it was the right call, but it had been spoken like a man who didn’t remember being a child. And she knew better than probably anyone else on board right now how true that was.</p>
<p>Wesley was right where she'd left him, in bed with every blanket and coat they'd had. She sat down at the edge of the pile, found his shoulder under the mass and gave him a little shake. "Wesley? Wake up.”</p>
<p>“Mom?” he mumbled and blinked. “I fell asleep.”</p>
<p>“It's alright.” It was alright now. Beverly reached around her back to find a foot under the blanket, thankfully still warm. He might not need any skin repair at all. She’d have to treat her feet before she got back to work.</p>
<p>Even with all the bedding, the extra sweaters Felisa made for them both, his cheek was cold under her thumb.</p>
<p>But he was more alert now, looking around his room enough to notice all the lights. “The powers back on!"</p>
<p>"The away team seems to have gotten whatever technology it was down on the planet to release the ship.” They were still missing some details, but she’d heard Data’s minimal check in message before she’d left the bridge.</p>
<p>Wes of course went to jump up immediately.</p>
<p>"Don't let the heat out. You'll regret it,” she said lightly and got a grin and a nod in response.</p>
<p>Wesley dragged all the blankets up around himself before sitting up, moving to sit next to her in an awkward shuffle.  </p>
<p>Then he leaned over to let his head rest on her shoulder.</p>
<p>Her arm wrapped around his shoulders on instinct more than anything else. Wes’s eyes were half closed. The air was still chilly enough in here she could feel the warmth from him breathing.</p>
<p>Beverly sighed. Something settled in her chest that she usually ignored.</p>
<p>It'd been a few years now, since he'd cuddled in along her side like this.</p>
<p>She'd carried him around all the time as a baby. Beverly’d had no real reason not to. The month she'd taken off and then the two she'd spent in remote classes requalifying on energy burns and Denobulan physiology just because, Wes had spent most of the time asleep in a sling. Even once she’d actually started working for the Starbase where she’d transferred, it hadn’t changed much.</p>
<p>But once Wes could walk, he never wanted to be held still, always somewhere to be.</p>
<p>“Anything you want me to read?” she teased. Sometimes they still traded off reading publications on the topics they were studying, even though Wes was about as interested in endocrinology as she was in warp engines. But she probably hadn't read him a story since their first time living back on Earth. There definitely hadn’t been time the first ship they’d tried living on and the second time at Starfleet Medical had been busier and he'd been older by then anyway.</p>
<p>“Ugh, <em>Mom</em>.”</p>
<p>That disgusted noise of his was getting familiar. Beverly just smiled, smoothed his hair down again.</p>
<p>“Where were you?” Wesley asked.</p>
<p>She'd told him she'd come back as soon as she could. That she’d comm him. But the hours had gone by and Beverly just... hadn’t been able to make herself do it.</p>
<p>“I was up on the bridge. We all fell asleep too,” she said, didn’t say <em>if you'd frozen to death I wanted to die without having to see it</em>.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said too quietly. He could tell from her voice somehow how close it had been. Damnit.</p>
<p>“Is everyone...is everyone ok? We’re fine, so people shouldn’t be...”</p>
<p>“Everyone’s going to be fine. There’s probably lots of time running minor dermal regenerations in my future though. Don’t wait up.”  </p>
<p>“Ok,” he said and sat upright. “I think I’ll check in with Chief Shimoda, see if he has any diagnostics I could watch for them. They’re probably going to be running a bunch.”</p>
<p>“That sounds alright to me.” Beverly resisted the urge to be clingy. They both had places to be. This had to be enough. It was more of a breather than she’d thought she was getting anyway.</p>
<p>“I better find my shoes.” Wes took a blanket with him like a cape, hissing at the floor when it was cold through his socks.</p>
<p>It put a smile on her face. His tablet was left behind half under a sweater. It was probably out of charge by now, but when she picked it up the screen activated and she froze.</p>
<p>He’d been looking at family pictures, at little holos. Their last visit to Felisa on Caldos, when she’d taken the day off as a surprise and they’d walked the Golden Gate Bridge a couple years ago, pictures Jack had taken of the three of them. A littler Wesley glued to the windows on shuttle rides. Their camping trips.</p>
<p>Jack had always been the one who remembered they might want pictures later. Beverly tried to remember, tried to remind herself they’d both want these someday, that Felisa always asked for holos in her letters. But she always seemed to forget anyways.</p>
<p>When Wesley came back with his boots on and a coat over his sweater instead of a blanket she hugged him tight, kissed his cheek and left her forehead against his until she could keep the look on her face steady.</p>
<p>Wesley was frowning when she leaned back, took her hands in his and blew on them like she’d used to do for his when he was little on their camping trips.</p>
<p>“Much better,” she said and got a grin back. “Have whatever you want for dinner, ok?”</p>
<p>“...<em>whatever</em> I want?” he asked, clearly waiting for the catch.</p>
<p>“Yup. Just don’t tell me about it. I don’t want to know.” It’d be half sugar; she had no doubt. Wes had never met an ice cream he didn’t like.</p>
<p>“Thanks Mom,” he said, glanced back at her with a grin on his face on his way out.</p>
<p>Silhouetted in their door and with the standard fleet boots and heavy jacket, he didn’t look like a little boy anymore. It wasn’t like she’d missed how much he’d grown, how much closer to young man Wes was than child, but it only made her feelings more mixed.</p>
<p>Barely a couple months living on this ship and she’d already almost lost him, almost lost him <em>twice</em>. Wesley liked it here, she could tell, and Beverly had needed the change of pace more than she’d even realized.</p>
<p>But with the experience of losing the fight with consciousness on the bridge fresh in her mind, the only thing she could think about if her only child was already dead, it was hard to feel like it had been the right call for them after all.</p>
<p> </p>
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